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A Musician’s Carol

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine December 2016  Ghost of Music Past “Suzy darling, do you remember when you were 8-years old?” said the cheery-eyed apparition who appeared out of nowhere. “Heck no! I’m lucky I can remember what I had…

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Give The People What They Want

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine November 2016 In the entertainment industry it is standard practice to give the people what they want. This is actually a contradiction in terms. If I gave the people what they wanted, I would be…

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Calluses, Meniere’s, and Large Uvulas

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine October 2016 Like a professional athlete, a professional musician must stay in shape, or else you do things like pass out on stage, pee yourself on stage, or get weird leg cramps in the middle…

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How to Get Along Like Fleetwood Mac

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine September 2016 These two are married and currently not on speaking terms. These two are getting a divorce but are in really good moods. These two are having an affair. This one’s leaving, this one’s…

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Under The Covers

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine August 2016 Does anybody understand “BREXIT?” Heck No! Does anybody understand the Department of Justice’s latest decision regarding consent and licensing and royalties controlled by Performing Rights Organizations ASCAP and BMI? All the more –…

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Musicians’ Unspoken Nod of Understanding

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine July 2016 While washing and scrubbing out the dog food bowl this morning I spied my bulldog Penelope out of the corner of my eye so I turned a little and nodded and bobbed my…

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How To Write Songs

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine June 2016 Constructing a song that people want to actually listen to and enjoy is a science. Writing songs is akin to keeping a journal and then taking those most inner thoughts and encapsulating them…

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Nightmare Gigs

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine May 2016 Throughout my illustrious and surely un-famous musical career I have been plagued with nightmares between the restless hours of three and five a.m. But they’re not your standard falling, drowning, getting chopped up…

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Don’t You Know Who I Am?

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine April 2016 Spring is here! But life as a musician ain’t all Easter bunnies and daffodils, I’m sorry to say. Musicianhood is fraught with self-doubt, heartache, disappointment, bloody fingers, late nights and worst of…

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Book Em Danno

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine March 2016 I adjusted the microphone stand to align my silver Seinnheiser so it pointed straight at my upper lip. Not too high, not too low, not pointing up and not pointing down. I…

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Why Do We Do It?

*originally published in Sound Waves Magazine February 2016 Today I speak to you – YEAH YOU – you in your smelly, moldy, mouse infested basement, you in your bedroom in your bathrobe, you playing guitar six nights a week in…